Donald Traxler's Poetry: January 2022

Monday, January 31, 2022

Nirvana Shatakam of Shankara - II

I am neither to be understood as prana nor as the five kinds of breath,

nor the seven materials nor the five sheaths;

neither am I the organs of speech, elimination, motion, grasping, or procreation.

In the form of blissful consciousness, I am Shiva, I am Shiva. 2

Sunday, January 30, 2022

Nirvana Shatakam of Shankara - I

I am neither mind nor intelligence nor ego nor memory,

neither ears nor tongue nor nose nor eyes.

Neither am I the sky nor the earth, nor fire nor wind.

In the form of blissful consciousness, I am Shiva, I am Shiva. 1

Friday, January 28, 2022

142,000 Visits, and a Tiger by the Tail

I am pleased to say that we have passed the milestone of 142,000 visits to this poetry/writing/photography blog. This is largely thanks to would-be pirates in the US, Sweden, Russia, France, Germany, and a couple of other countries. It is what it is.

Those of you who have followed this blog for a while will know that photography is an important part of it. I am currently involved in a major project to return to my roots in film photography, because I feel that the results are much more inspiring. It is also much more work. The easy way, though, is not always the best way.

I have a full and busy life, and on a personal level you could say that I have a tiger by the tail. I would not, therefore, take on such a project unless I felt that it was justified. I do think so, and you may expect to see more and more examples of film photography in this blog. I hope that you will enjoy them.

As always, thanks to all of you (even the pirates) for your continued interest and loyalty.

The photo above is me at the age of thirty. Shot, of course, on film.

Thursday, January 27, 2022

My Spirit Is the Driver / ᎠᏆ ᎠᏓᏅᏙ ᎨᏒᎠᏎ ᎠᏱᎵᏍᎩ

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Selfie - VI

अहं निर्विकल्पो निराकाररूपो

विभुर्व्याप्य सर्वत्र सर्वेन्द्रियाणि ।

सदा मे समत्वं न मुक्तिर्न बन्धः

चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम्‌ शिवोऽहम्‌ ॥ ६ ॥

ahaM nirvikalpo nirAkArarUpo

vibhurvyApya sarvatra sarvEndriyANi.

sadA mE samatvaM na muktirna bandhaH

chidAnandarUpaH shivo'ham shivo'ham. 6

I am without change, I am without form.

Permeating the basis of all, I am everywhere and behind all the senses.

I am always in equilibrium, and have neither liberation nor attachment.

In the form of blissful consciousness, I am Shiva, I am Shiva.

Selfie - V

न मे मृत्युशङ्ग्का न मे जातिभेदः

पिता नैव मे नैव माता न जन्म ।

न बन्धुर्न मित्रं गुरुर्नैव शिष्यः

चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम्‌ शिवोऽहम्‌ ॥ ५ ॥

na mE mrityushangkA na mE jAtibhEdaH

pitA naiva mE naiva mAtA na janma.

na bandhurna mitraM gururnaiva shiShyaH

chidAnandarUpaH shivo'ham shivo'ham. 5

I have neither death nor its fear, neither caste nor its distinctions,

nor have I father or mother, or any birth.

I have neither relations nor friends, neither guru nor disciple.

In the form of blissful consciousness, I am Shiva, I am Shiva.

Selfie - IV

न पुण्यं न पापं न सौख्यं न दुःखं

न मन्त्रो न तीर्थो न वेदो न यज्ञाः ।

अहं भोजनं नैव भोज्यं न भोक्ता

चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम्‌ शिवोऽहम्‌ ॥ ४ ॥

na puNyaM na pApaM na saukhyaM na duHkhaM

na mantro na tIrtho na vEdo na yajñAH.

ahaM bhojanaM naiva bjojyaM na bhoktA

chidAnandarUpaH shivo'ham shivo'ham. 4

I am neither virtue nor vice, neither pleasure nor pain,

neither mantra nor holy shrine, neither scriptures nor sacrifices.

Neither am I enjoyment nor its object, nor the enjoyer.

In the form of blissful consciousness, I am Shiva, I am Shiva.

Selfie - III

न मे द्वेषरागौ न मे लोभमोहौ

मदो नैव मे नैव मात्सर्यभावः ।

न धर्मो न चार्थो न कामो न मोक्षः

चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम्‌ शिवोऽहम्‌ ॥ ३ ॥

na mE dvESharAgau na mE lobhamohau

mado naiva mE naiva mAtsaryabhAvaH.

na dharmo na chArtho na kAmo na mokShaH

chidAnandarUpaH shivo'ham shivo'ham. 3

I am not affected by aversion or attachment, I have neither greed nor delusion,

neither egotism nor jealousy.

I have no duty nor objects of desire nor desire itself nor liberation.

In the form of blissful consciousness, I am Shiva, I am Shiva.

Selfie - II

न च प्राण संज्ञो न वै पञ्चवायुः

न वा सप्तधातुर्‌ न वा पञ्चकोशः ।

न वाक्पाणिपादौ न चोपस्थपायू

चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम्‌ शिवोऽहम्‌ ॥ २ ॥

na cha prANa saMgyo na vai pancha vAyuH

na vai saptadhAtur na vai panchakoshaH.

na vAk pANi pAdau na chopastha pAyU

chidAnanda rUpaH shivo'ham shivo'ham. 2

I am neither to be understood as prana nor as the five kinds of breath,

nor the seven materials nor the five sheaths;

neither am I the organs of speech, elimination, motion, grasping, or procreation.

In the form of blissful consciousness, I am Shiva, I am Shiva.

Selfie - I

मनो बुद्धि अहंकार चित्तानि नाहं,

न च ष्रोत्र जिह्वे न च घ्राण नेत्रे.

न च व्योम भूमिर्न तेजो न वायुः

चिदानन्दरूपः षिवोऽहम्‌ षिवोऽहम्‌

mano buddhi ahaMkAra cittAni nAhaM,

na ca Srotra jihvE na ca ghrANa nEtrE,

na ca vyoma bhUmir na tEjo na vAyuH.

cidAnandarUpaH Sivo'ham, Sivo'ham.

I am neither mind nor intelligence nor ego nor memory,

neither ears nor tongue nor nose nor eyes.

Neither am I the sky nor the earth, nor fire nor wind.

In the form of blissful consciousness, I am Shiva, I am Shiva.

Monday, January 24, 2022

My Return to Film Photography - VI

Over the last few days I've put the Canon EOS Rebel 2000 through its paces. It has also put me through my paces. I ran two rolls of film through it: a 24-exp. roll of 400TX, and a 36-exp. roll of Fujicolor Superia X-tra ISO 400 (which I developed in b&w chemicals). I would have ended my tests after the roll of Tri-X except for one thing: in examining some of the frames with a loupe, I discovered what I at first thought were film-transport scratches. This would have meant that I could not use the camera, because you can't use a camera that scratches your film. That is why I continued my tests, running a 36-exp. roll of Fuji Superia, ISO 400 color print film through the camera as well. I'm glad I did.

I remember saying that I would never love the EOS. That, however, was before I had used it. I put it down for having a polycarbonate body, but in use, the lightness this affords is very welcome. You do, though, have to get used to this camera. For example, you can fire off single shots, or you can shoot continuously. Several times I took two or three pictures when I only wanted one. I had to remember to lift my finger.

The camera does not have a cable-release socket; you have to use the self-timer. If you use the self-timer in the "P" mode, you are not forced to use the internal flash, but if you use it in the mode that is represented by a small rectangle, you are, indeed forced to use the flash if conditions warrant it. There are a lot of little things like that to get used to. That being said, exposures and focusing are right on the money. The camera allows both aperture-priority and shutter-priority auto-exposure, and the autofocus system is the same one that Canon used on their much more expensive Elan 7 camera.

I tried different exposure modes, and the various focal lengths of the 28-80mm zoom lens, and everything worked perfectly. I would say, though, that at 80mm the negatives seemed to be a bit thinner and less contrasty.

By the time I started shooting the color film, I knew how to operate the camera, and it was a joy to use. Shooting is very fast when all you have to think about is zooming to frame the picture the way you want it. Shooting so rapidly with an SLR made me feel a bit like David Hemmings in Blow-Up. But of course, this camera didn't exist in 1966,

Anyway, to make a long story shorter, the Fuji color print film I developed in D-76 is quite usable (and I paid half what TX would have cost me). I developed it at 105°F, but I really had no idea what the time should be in D-76. I kept it in the developer for 6-1/2 minutes, but I clearly overdeveloped it somewhat. I think six minutes would have been better. Here are a few sample shots:

Just by way of comparison, here is a digital shot using the same setup and light source:

The digital image appears flat. It does not have the pronounced shadows (see the shadow behind my shoulder) or over-all depth that the film pic has. Here are a couple more:

I'll definitely be using this camera again, but preferably with real, black-and-white film.

(to be continued)

Saturday, January 22, 2022

My Return to Film Photography - V

A couple of days ago I shot a roll of 400TX 35mm. Camera-wise, I'm in clover: I was using the Canon AE-1, which is a jewel of a camera. I'm still working on the problem of modern, artificial light sources. Apart from that, I got beautiful and consistent exposures. I was able to determine that my old Gossen Scout 2 must be set to ASA/ISO 50 instead of 400 (three stops slower) when using an LED light source.

Apparently you can't buy incandescent tungsten lightbulbs anymore--at least I didn't find any in the supermarket. I did find bulbs that have some kind of filament, but it's not the tungsten that we were used to (and that my selenium-cell light meter requires for accurate indoor readings). I took several shots with a 25W version of this type of bulb. Here is an example:

It's an improvement over LED light, but still insufficient. Shot at 1/8 sec, f4. The shadow over my shoulder is from the main light, and the shadow cast by my chin is from a mercury-vapor spiral overhead.

I also found a 65W indoor floodlight (used for recessed lighting). I'll try that when I test the Canon EOS Rebel 2000 (next instalment).

Apart from artificial lighting problems, I got excellent and consistent exposures with the AE-1. Here are some examples:

All of these shots were scanned using the Wolverine F2D, which gives only 1800 dpi. I still want to get a better film scanner, and I've picked out a good one that will also allow me to shoot with the Mamiya C33 Professional. But if I'm going to carry that beast around with me, I may need to start working out.

(to be continued)

602 Mission - II

You looked girlish,

as you touched my cock

almost shyly,

knowing we were starting something

that wouldn't easily stop.

When our naked bodies entwined,

it was AC current.

We couldn't let go

as we kissed deeply,

hungry for each other,

and fell, laughing,

onto the unmade bed.

Your child,

newly walking,

came to me and hugged me.

smiling boy,

red-headed like you.

Friday, January 21, 2022

602 Mission - I

"602 Mission" does not exist. It is a conflation of 245 Leavenworth with an apartment building at 15th and Valencia, and another at 14th and Valencia. I suppose that the Vermont Hotel would figure into it, too.

But before all of those places, there was the National Hotel (or "Hotel National"), on Market Street. Then there was 225/227 Andover Street.

But "602 Mission" was on another plane entirely, and it was managed by my anima.

Wednesday, January 19, 2022

My Return to Film Photography - IV

When is light not light?

This is the question I had to ask myself. Background: There is a setup I use all the time for digital photography: there's an overhead for ambient light, and a gooseneck desk lamp that I direct wherever I want for the main light. I've had excellent results using this setup. For digital photography. For film photography, it doesn't work.

I had already determined, doing tests with outdated color and b&w film, that most of my shots, and all of the indoor ones, were woefully underexposed. I would say 3 to 3-1/2 stops. Outdated film has reduced sensitivity to begin with (on the order of one stop per decade), so the results were disastrous.

So I did another series of test shots, using fresh, ISO 400 T-Max in my Mamiya C33 Professional. Before starting the test, I visually checked the camera's shutter speeds, and they all appeared to be functioning properly. I now suspected that the problem was the light source.

The overhead light fixture contained one of those omnipresent spiral Mercury-Vapor bulbs. Those had not yet come into use in the decades when I was doing film photography. The gooseneck desk lamp contained multiple LEDs, a type of lighting that had not yet come into use in the "old days."

All of my exposures were metered with a Gossen Scout 2 meter. This meter contains a selenium cell, rather than a CdS or other modern cell, which would require a battery. I was quite careful in my metering, using both reflected light from a gray card and incident light from the main light source.

I hadn't loaded film into the C33 in about ten years. Naturally, I made a mistake that caused the camera to jam up. In trying to unjam it, I briefly opened the camera back twice, in subdued light. This is not something that you want to do, especially with 400 ISO film. Fortunately, only slight damage was done. I had to put the camera into a changing bag, open it, and rewind the film onto its spool, then start over and load it correctly. This I did.

I made a series of twelve test shots, six of them with purely artificial light, two with a mixture of artificial and sunlight, and four with sunlight only. I wrote down light sources, exposure values, and camera settings for all shots, metering them with the Gossen Scout 2.

When I developed the film, my suspicions were confirmed. Traditional panchromatic film is sensitive to sunlight and the light from traditional non-energysaver lightbulbs (which contain an incandescent tungsten filament). Those traditional lightbulbs are getting harder to find, and I've heard that they may stop selling them completely. Sunlight, of course, has not changed appreciably--bright sun is still EV7 or 7-1/2.

As expected, the indoor shots were terrible, way under-exposed. The outdoor shots were OK where bright sunlight was falling on the subject, but they seriously lacked detail in the shadows. This is due to the narrower exposure latitude of T-Max. This is one of the reasons that I will stick with my beloved Tri-X, even if I can't get it at my local camera store.

Here are some of the shots from this test. Please bear in mind that I still don't have a real film scanner for 120 film, and have to use my regular printer, which offers much lower resolution.

#5, main light = LED desk lamp.

#7, main light = MV spirals.

#10, sunlight. The temp was 58°F (15°C), so in the next shot, I'll be wearing a robe.

#11 sunlight. In the negative, the numbers on the thermometer could be read; the 600 dpi of my ordinary scanner does not allow that.

I hope that the information in this instalment of the series will be helpful to some who are considering a return to film photography.

(to be continued)

Saturday, January 15, 2022

My Return to Film Photography - III

In the last instalment of this series, I wrote about developing a couple of rolls of decades-old color film in black-and-white chemistry. I had no particular problem with the Kodak Gold 200, which was actually the older of the two rolls. But I hated the Fujicolor Super HQ 200, which was badly fogged from some kind of radiation anyway. The Super HQ had a tight curl that made it hard to get it into the developing tank, and was still a problem when hanging to dry and later for storage. I don't know whether Super HQ was always this way or it happened due to the long time in the camera. I have only experienced this once before (I don't do C-41 processing, by the way), and it was with some cheap, Chinese b&w film. I know, you get what you pay for--and I paid nothing for those two rolls of film that were left in vintage cameras. I will never knowingly buy film that has this problem.

As you may be able to tell from the photo above, my favorite film is Tri-X. The other day I went in to my local camera shop, and asked the owner for a roll of 120 Tri-X. He had showed me that he had it just a month or two ago. But all he has now is T-Max. He explained that, as film sales wind down (for him, at least) he can only stock one or the other, and he chose to stock the one that I would not have preferred.

I have several reasons for preferring Tri-X. I realize that T-Max has finer grain, but it also has less exposure latitude. But there are two things about T-Max that I really don't like: its propensity for water-spotting, and its tendency to be like flypaper for any dust in the air while it's drying. I know, Kodak recommends using Photo-Flo, but it's nasty stuff, and I would prefer not to have to use it.

The other thing I want to talk about in this instalment is medium-format, and my venerable Mamiya C33 Professional. There is a reason why I kept it when we moved to South America at the beginning of 2013. There is also a reason why I brought it back, although it added 4.4 lbs. to my luggage. You don't want this beast hanging around your neck, but it produces better images than any other camera I own or have ever owned.

My camera, the C33, is the heaviest one in the Mamiya C family, at 4.4 lbs. (9.68 kg) with normal 80mm lens attached. It was introduced in 1965, and replaced in 1969 by the C330. The two cameras are very similar, though the C33 is a bit heavier. The C33 was the first to cock all lenses automatically (by a half-turn backstroke of the winding crank). It can also use 220 film, with a separate back. The 1:2.8, f = 80mm normal lens is sharp as a tack, and among the best I have ever used on any camera.

I did not remember having left any film in this camera, but indeed I did, still on "frame zero," which is no frame at all, and with the shutter uncocked. That was back in 2012. I used that ten-year-old film yesterday to make some test shots (see photo below), partly to re-familiarize myself with the camera. I can't tell you the brand of the film, which has black backing paper with no manufacturer's name on it. Where the leader is to be folded it says "hier falten," but that does not necessarily mean that the film is German; it may be the Chinese stuff that I didn't like. The ASA/ISO is 100, and I shot the whole roll at that nominal speed, giving it a half-stop extra exposure when in doubt. I'll also extend the developing time a bit, to compensate for the film's age.

The Naked Photographer, making test shots with the Mamiya C33 Professional.

I'll develop that film later today, and report on the results in the next instalment.

(to be continued)

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

Sayings - V

ᏂᎦᏛ ᎤᎶᎩᎸ ᎤᎭᏎ ᎠᏕᎸ-ᎤᏁᎬ ᏛᏍᏓᏅᏅᏍᎬᏁ.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Sayings - IV

ᎢᏳᏃ ᎤᏚᎳᏗ ᎨᏒᎤᏎ ᏐᏈᎵᏗ, ᎾᎯᏳᎢ ᎠᏚᎳᏗᏍᎩᏗ ᎠᎩᎸᏚᏎ.

ᎾᏍᏊ:

ᎠᏚᎳᏗᏍᎩᏗ Ꮭ ᏰᎵᏆᏎ ᎨᏒᎢ ᎠᏑᏰᏍᎩᏗ.

If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.

Also:

Beggars can't be choosers.

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

My Return to Film Photography - II

Last time I laid out my plans and wrote about one of my thrift-store gangas, the Canon AE-1 Program, an absolute jewel of a camera. A lot has happened since then. I'll start with a few lines about the second of my op-shop bargains, the Canon EOS Rebel 2000.

I do not own any rights to the illustrations above. While the EOS does have some advantages over the earlier AES-1 (it has autofocus capability, and it came with a zoom lens), I do not like it nearly as well as the earlier camera. First of all, it's too complicated for an old guy like me, I prefer the AE-1, which reminds me of the cameras I used in the 1970s. The body of the EOS appears to be high-impact plastic, which makes it lighter than the other camera, but also makes it more susceptible to film-fogging due to radiation. I intend to use it in less-controlled situations where a lighter, more flexible (autofocus and zoom lens) camera may be advantageous. But I'll never love it.

OK. Since the last instalment of this series, I've set up an area in our garage for film developing, put clips on the wall for hanging film to dry, and mixed a set of black-and-white chemicals. I then used the very cramped 35mm changing bag that I have (in the old days I had a 4x5 changing bag, which was a true luxury) to load the decades-old Kodak Gold 200 from the AE-1 into one of my bulky Paterson System 4 developing tanks. This process showed me that I needed a proper church key to open 35mm film cassettes, but since I had left a leader protruding when I rewound the film, I was able to just pull it out. This option does not exist with the EOS, which rewinds automatically. Anyway, I got the film into the can.

My plan was to develop the ancient C-41 color print film in my freshly-mixed b&w chemicals, and that is what I did. I developed "hot," somewhere in the neighborhood of 105°F. The results were, as expected, less than great:

This is recognizably my home workstation, but the 20-plus-year-old film left much to be desired. The camera, at least, functioned as it should have.

Next, I developed the Fujicolor Super HQ 200 from the EOS. Although the film was probably at least ten years newer, the results were much worse. This was because the film had been fogged, either by exposure to light or by some kind of radiation. I could see that there were faint images under the fogging, but there was no way to get a usable one.

Having done all that, I focused on the film-scanning process itself. My Wolverine F2D scanner only handles 35mm. I had some excellent 2-1/4x2-1/4" (6x6 cm) negatives, taken as test shots with my Mamiya C33, so I decided to revisit the process of scanning them on my Canon TS6220 printer, hoping to improve upon previous results.

This, scanned at 600dpi, is a slight improvement over my previous results. Here is a detail, at greater magnification:

But there is still way more to be seen in the negative than in the scan. I clearly need a real film scanner, which will give me much higher resolution.

And here is a somewhat-improved scan of one of the nudes:

I'm a black-and-white photographer. For me, everything is about light and shadow. The light-response curve of film, as opposed to digital photocells, is the reason why I'm doing all this.

(to be continued)

Thursday, January 6, 2022

I Didn't Have / ᎠᏯ Ꮭ ᎤᎯᏎ

ᎠᏯ Ꮭ ᎤᎯᏎ ᏧᎳᏍᎩᏁ ᎠᏗᎧᏗ ᎭᏫᎾ, ᎠᎴ ᏦᎳᏅᏁ ᏩᏗᏅᏗ ᎾᏍᎩᏁ ᏙᏯᏗᏢ.

I didn't have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of.

Wednesday, January 5, 2022

Talk / ᎦᏬᏂᏍᎩ

ᎦᏬᏂᏍᎩ ᎨᏒᎠᏎ ᎤᏍᏗ-ᏧᎬᏩᎶᏗᎯ, ᎠᏎᏃ ᏫᏍᎩ ᏓᎬᏩᎶᏓᏎ ᎠᏕᎳ.

Ars Longa / ᏗᏟᎶᏍᏙᏗ ᎦᏅᎯᏛ

ᏗᏟᎶᏍᏙᏗ ᎦᏅᎯᏛ, ᎥᎴᏂᏙᎲ ᏍᏆᎳᎯ.

Ars longa, vita brevis.

Sunday, January 2, 2022

Best Wishes

Best Wishes for 2022 from the Naked Poet/Photographer.

Saturday, January 1, 2022

My Return to Film Photography - I

I haven't done any film photography for ten or twelve years, and at that time I was just experimenting with lomography. The other thing you need to know about me is that I'm addicted to bargain-hunting in thrift stores. In the photo above, you see two Canon film SLRs: an AE-1 Program and an EOS Rebel 2000. They are both in excellent condition, and only needed new batteries. I would have to call the AE-1 "pristine," because other than a few marks on the bottom plate from a tripod socket, it is like new. It was obviously kept most of the time in its ever-ready case, which is not even scuffed. The AE-1 has a 28mm f2.8 Canon FD breech-lock mount lens, and the EOS has a Canon Zoom Lens EF 28-80mm, F3.5-5.6 II. At today's prices (I checked online at KEH Camera), this is about $500 worth of equipment. I paid $50.

The red object on the table is a Wolverine F2D 35mm film scanner. It was made when Windows 7 was the newest Windows, but it works fine with my Windows 10. I paid about $10 for it some years ago, in another thrift store. On that same table are two small, yellow boxes: fresh Kodak 400 TX. I think you see where this is heading,

Of the two SLRs, the one on the left in the photo, the AE-1, is the one I really love. It's the older of the two models, offering auto-exposure but not autofocus, as well as manual operation. It is built like a tank, dating from the days before everything turned to plastic. When you handle it, you know that it represents Japanese camera-making at its finest.

The camera on the right in the photo is the EOS Rebel 2000. It features both auto-exposure and autofocus, although manual focus is also an option. I plan to use this camera in less-controlled situations. We'll come back to it later.

I do not own any rights to the above illustration, which is from the 81-page AE-1 manual, all of which I've studied pretty thoroughly. I took copious notes, boiling it down to two pages. Quite a few of those pages tell you how to take pictures, rather than about the specifics of this camera. The dimensions of this camera are: 141mm x 88mm x 47.5mm (body only). The weight is 575g (body only), or 810g with 50mm f1.4 lens attached.

To summarize my plan for this project: The AE-1 has an unfinished roll of Kodak Gold 200-24, of which the previous owner used 18 exp., leaving six frames remaining for my testing purposes. Of course, the film expired long ago. The EOS contains Fujifilm HQ 200-24, also long expired, of which 18 frames remain for my testing. I have never done C41 processing. I plan to shoot test shots with both cameras, then hot-develop the film in D-76. After washing and drying, I'll scan samples and post the results here. I intend to document every step of this process of re-entry to film photography in this series of blog posts. Hope you enjoyed this first installment.

(to be continued)

Happy New Year! / ᎠᎵᎮᎵᏍᏗ ᎢᏤ ᏧᏕᏘᏴᏓ!

Happy New Year!

ᎠᎵᎮᎵᏍᏗ ᎢᏤ ᏧᏕᏘᏴᏓ!

¡Feliz año nuevo!

Bonne année !